shrinkingbrandi

This week has been so hard!! I have been going to the gym everyday and bust my ars for about an 1 1/2 to 2 hours a night because I don’t want to get sick!! I am trying so hard to run away from it but it keeps finding me! I thought that once I started eating right and working out all the time I wouldn’t get sick as often but noooooo my body just loves to get sick! I am still going to keep my bum at the gym and I am going to keep running from it, lol! I hope I don’t make it worse by doing this, lol! Other then all of that I am feeling pretty good ! I am still not seeing the physical results………… I know that they are there and I have people telling me all the time that they can see that I have lost ALOT of weight but I still see the same moo cow that I have always been. Maybe when I get down to 225 I will actually begin to see my hard work……. maybe! I  have changed up my work out big time and let me tell you I feel like my whole body has been kicked and jumped on my 25 kids!! LOL!! Jenn really kicked my ass yesterday and I am so thankful for her!! LOL!!

Okay, so I am officially down 30 lbs!!!!!!! I am so excited!! Its so odd how different I feel and its so funny how different people see me!! I can’t imagine what its going to be like when I actually get down to my goal weight!!

Well, yesterday my husband and I were at the gym working our bums off and when it came time for us to do our cardio we had to take machines that were opposite of each other so we pretty much did nothing but stare at one another, lol! At one point when he looked over at me I winked at him and kind of raised my eyebrows in a “come hither ” way and he got the largest smile on his face! LOL!! It was a look that I haven’t seen in what I would say over five years! I felt so good!

Today my husband was feeling icky so he was unable to come to the gym with me so I decided to go alone……… I was once again working my bum off and when I was done as I was walking towards the door to leave, well there were 3 really hot guys in front of me and two of them actually held the door open for me!!! It was really funny because it was like neither of them were going to let go!!! LOL!! I felt so special, lol! I have never had anyone hold the door open (well none that I can remember) and two guys held it open, lol!! It was so cute! LOL!!

Yeah, they were probably just being nice and I am sure that they would have held it open for any one but it still felt nice :). Now, I have a question…….. when will I start to see myself as looking different? I know that I have lost 30 lbs and I see it in my clothes and in a lot of ways but when I look in the mirror I still see the fat nasty Brandi that I have always seen. Do you think that it is going to take another 30 lbs to see a new me or will I ever see a new me? I hate hating myself so I really want to see the difference but I just can’t. Do any of you have this problem? I wanted to add another question…. lol……… Do any of you get extreamly depressed if the scale says the same thing even after you have been working your bum off for a week?

 xoxo- Brandi

Today was long and hard and damn the food was oh so good!! LOL!! But I stayed strong and I stayed with in my calorie budget ….. no I didn’t get to burn as many calories as what I normally do because the gym is closed today ( its odd but damn I feel so odd that I am not going to work out) but as long as I didn’t go over in my calorie deficit then I am good! I hope that you all have/had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope you all enjoyed yourselves because tomorrow we are all going to get right back on track!!! LOL!!

xoxo~ Brandi

The stress has been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard on me the last few days and I have been going crazy but you know what? I am so proud of myself because I have not turned to food to solve my problems (and let me tell you they have been some doozies, lol). I have not gotten on the scale since I went to the doctor and that is because I can’t handle it if it says I am up so I would rather wait for a few days (until after I am off of my period and done bloating, lol).  I have decided to measure my weight loss by measuring tape for a little while to see if maybe that will be more helpful for my self esteem :).

I am also going to start a list of all the little changes that I have noticed about my body since I started all of this.

1. My dimples are starting to show again.

2. I went to the store and when I bought a size 16/18 they fit me pretty loose.

3. I have more stamina.

4. My blood pressure has gone from around 125/83 to around 112/72.

5. My at-rest heart rate has gone from 80 bpm to about 65 bpm.

6. My heart rate no longer goes all the way up to 180 when I am doing 120 stride per-minute on the elliptical it hangs out around 161.

7. I feel muscles in my legs and arms!

8. I feel more attractive and I have noticed guys are looking at me and talking to me a lot more!

9. I am incredibly flexible.

10. My husband can “dip” me to kiss me with out falling over, lol!!

I know that these are all small feats but I am sooooo proud of them!! I am hoping that I am going to be able to add so many more things to this list each and every month !! I actually feel really good now that I have them all out there on a list, lol!! It feels really good!!! LOL!!

Thank you all so much for your kind words I have been so hard on myself and yesterday my husband actually got really angry with me because I hardly ate anything at all and it pissed him off. I understand why he was so mad but i can’t help it I am falling back into my depression and I don’t want to so the way that I see it is if I loose at lease one pound then I will be okay “Nohogirl” you are 100% right I depression is nothing but anger turned inwards because I am sooooo angry at me.

Yesterday I ate 4 grapes, 3 apple slices, 6 ziti noodles, 2 rolls, 3 strawberries and a half of a spinach mushroom wrap. Reading what I ate seems like I ate so much but in reality it really isn’t a lot………. when I went to the gym I was on the elliptical for 35 minutes and I almost passed out………… I have been doing the elliptical for 45 minutes this past week and normally its with no problems, well that is when my husband asked me what all I had to eat that day and he really got pissed. I am not trying to starve myself, lord knows I’m not. I just hate the fact that its going to be such a long road and I am going to have to fight the battle everyday for the rest of my life.

You guys have helped me  a lot and I am so happy to be apart of this site because I am feeling a little better and its really because of you :). I love you my Jenn I know that no matter what you will always be here to help me xoxoxo!! I am willing to fight this battle and I am looking forward to the fact that in the future I will be able to look back that the way I am now and be really proud knowing that I lost this weight and I fought this battle with my will, my friends and my support. I have such a long road and I am sooooo afraid that I may take the wrong way and end up with some kind of eating disorder…………I just have to stay strong :).

Thank you all again ~~~ xoxo  ~~~~ Brandi

I have been busting my ass day in and day out for like three months now and I am so pissed off right now!! I went to my doctor today and according to his scale I am up 4 lbs!!!!! I am sooo full of hate towards myself right now and I can not deal with it!! I have been doing every thing that my doctor and everyone else has been telling me and yet I am up!!!!!!! I look in the mirror and I see a monster!! I am so sick of being fat!! I can not even have my tubes tied until I lose another 40 lbs………………. how sad is that one of the many reason’s why I can not have babies is because of my weight but then again at the same time I can not prevent myself from getting pregnant (by the way I have a uterine condition to were if I got pregnant I could literally die)  because of my weight!!

 UGGG! I am so full of discuss right now!!! I am actually depressed and I haven’t been depressed in like 2 months………. I don’t want to go back to that and I am trying so hard to pull myself out but when I see that number on the scale it just makes me hate me all the more!!  I know that I should stay positive but how can any one stay positive when you barely have the will power to pull yourself out of bed? I am going to try to hit the gym tonight………… I hope that you are all having a better day then I am

xoxo- Brandi

My husband and I have been doing this workout and diet thing together……. we started about 3 months ago and his starting weight was 232 and his ass is already down to 198!!! Ugg!!! I hate men!! It just doesn’t seem fare that I have to bust my ass day in and day out to lose weight and all he does is cut out some calories and work out like 3 or 4 times a week and he looses the weight like its nothing!! I go to the gym EVERY DAY and my caloric intake is any where from 1300 to 1500 a day and I haven’t lost anything this week!!!!!!!! CURSE THIS WOMAN BODY OF MINE THAT HAS TO PMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate the fact that every time I start losing the weight really well I start my period and I gain like two or three lbs!! Stupid men and their stupid men parts!! I would give anything to let my husband know how it feels to work so hard and then to see nothing happen for one week out of the month…….. I want him to get bloated and I want him to retain water!! GRRR!! Sorry I don’t mean to be so harsh I am so frustrated……. I am so happy for him but I can’t help but to be a little selfish and wish it were me that has lost that much :(.

xoxo~ Brandi

I suck! LOL!! I went to work today and damn…… when you work at a desk all day you really don’t burn any calories at all!! I burned like 2.4 calories per-minute, lol!! Then when I got off of work I was all set and ready to go to the gym but noooooo my husband decided to call me and tell me that he has a great date night planned for us………. damn lol I ended up eating really bad and……. dun dun duunnnn…….. I ate chocolate I haven’t had chocolate in forever!! But James had to be all sweet and loving and so I gave into temptation! LOL!! What’s sad is that he didn’t order it, I did but I still choose to blame him, lol/jk!!

This body bugg is really cool!! I like it a lot and I love getting on at the end of the day and in the morning cause it even shows how many calories you burn while you are sleeping! LOL!! I had a major deficit yesterday but so far today my deficit is only at like 200, lol!! I have to have a deficit of 1000 burned calories a day to lose 2 lbs a week…….. so yeah I didn’t do good today…….. I will make it up tomorrow I am going to increase my cardio by 15 or 20 more mins. Who knows maybe there will be a really hot guy there that will give some eye candy and get me really motivated! LOL!! HE HE HE!!!

xoxo~ Brandi

Okay, so last night my husband and I went to the gym and there was a really really long line outside of the kids room so we had to wait for like 40 minutes to get him in……….. while we where waiting I started to look at this odd little device that you wear on your arm to help you lose weight. My best friend Jenn has one and I thought that I may want to try it out so I talked my husband into getting it for me and so far I think that I really like it. I get like three training sessions with a personal trainer and I get an online profile that will show me how many calories I ate and how many calories I burned, it even tells me what I should eat for the day to meet my goal…….. having a food plan already laid out is so awesome!! Whats really cool is that it is custom to me! So I never have to worry about it telling me to eat meat because it knows that I am a veggie!! I just put it on so I will keep you all updated on how it works out!!

xoxo~ Brandi

I hate being overweight!!! I hate it when I walk into a place and I get overlooked just because I am fat!! I have never really noticed that I was discriminated against until it became painful!! Around three months ago I walked into my favorite restaurant/store called Eatzies, I was at my highest weight of 265…… I stood at the glass case for what seemed like an eternity, the clerk never acknowledged I was there, I continued to wait and he served 3 small women one after one that had come up after me, I still continued to wait………… I stood in that line for about 30 mins and I was overlooked the entire time. He finally served me but not until my husband walked up beside me and he asked him what he wanted! My heart hurt, my body hurt and I simply hurt because I knew that they only reason why he didn’t serve me was because he was disgusted by me. I opened my eyes that day and realized that it wasn’t the first time that had happened to me……. it was that night that I decided to change my life!!! I stopped eating meat, I started going to the doctor and I began going to the gym! I now down 27 lbs!! I feel so much better…… I know that I am still far from my goal weight but I am soooo excited about knowing that one of these days I can walk up to all of those people that have ever hurt me because of my weight and show them that I am a human and yeah I may have failed for a little while but I was able to rise up and take care of what I needed to take of!! I am happy that my best friend Jenn showed me this website because I know that I need all of the support I can get and I know that I can offer my support to anyone who needs it !!

xoxo~Brandi